it's all shit right now
a rant for the anger is overwhelming
do you ever get a gut-wrenching-hit-like-a-ton-of-bricks sense of grief and sadness and anger with life? what i can only describe as an ancestral pull, the weight of previous lives and emotions funneling through me. it’s overwhelming and all-consuming.
watching the news throughout the US with absolute horror and fear, i have also often found myself feeling genuine grief because i feel utterly hopeless. historians, political scholars, anyone who has a brain and is familiar with ww2 knows we’re at a point of no return. it is definitely getting worse and will continue until we implode. a lot of people are going to die. a lot of people are going to suffer. just regular people, being used as pawns and whose lives are seen as disposable.
i’ve been finding myself deep in anger. anger that it didn’t have to be this way. we didn’t have to pollute the world into extinction, we didn’t have to live in fear and violence, life didn’t have to be money-centered; power-hungry; scarce. it’s often dismissed, seen as childish, to wish a life of ease. and this isn’t to say there would never be any suffering what so ever, of course there would be, but did it have to be to this extent? did we have to curate this society where they’re selling fucking merch for alligator alcatraz? and did people have to be so cruel and disconnected from humanity to laugh and buy it? did we have to curate this society where our lives revolve around money and “productivity” - for who? the fucking shareholders? we’re bombing each other. genocide is being live-streamed and people still don’t care. we’re living in a god-foresaken culture of “its not the deep” - but it is that deep!!!! and what more can those of us that do care do? we’re donating to the gofundmes, we’re calling those “in charge”, we’re boycotting, but the system is SO big. it is terrifying to realize your life is at stake. and life goes on.
and it infuriates me this manufactured sense of scarcity and fear mongering around immigrants/homeless people/insert whoever else because we DO actually have enough homes for everyone, food for everyone. there is no housing criss, it’s a greed crisis. these greedy fucking landlords are upset people don’t want to or simply cannot afford to pay out the ass for a dinky little apartments. everything has gone up but wages. there is food for everyone! the US wastes about 30-40% of our food supply! and the system is riddled in cruelty. what is it doing to our souls eating food where the animals are abused, the workers are abused, and everything is pumped with enhancements. bigger, redder strawberries, but no taste.
it’s laughed down at to want a peaceful life, a happy life, to have the time to bake the pies, paint the landscapes, sing songs. it’s in our nature to create art; it’s in our nature to be art. we sing, we dance, we paint, we openly express ourselves until slowly, society boxes us back up. and i guess maybe that’s the point? that we must continue to sing and dance, we have to be the light in the darkness. we sing songs of grief and happiness, we sing while crying and laughing. we’re the orchestra playing as the titanic goes down.
and i’m fucking sick of hearing “oh this is how it’s always been” “this is how we’ve always done it” first off, no it’s literally not. second off, i don’t fucking care!!! time to change it!!
if patriarchy truly was the norm and how things should be, why.do.we.need.violence.to.uphold.it.
if capitalism was the norm and the standard, why.do.we.need.violence.to.uphold.it.
if it requires violence, it’s not meant to be. period.
the anger and grief and pain radiate out from my heart. and it aches.
i want to walk barefoot into the forest and lay in a bed of moss and be reclaimed back into the soil.
the chaotic ocean storm; the raging winds, the crashing waves. the sky and earth collide. blues and greys, where is up or down. and there i am in the middle of it all. hair is whipping around. skin is cold and tender. as the storm rages on, the booming thunder, cracking lightening, and finally a wave crashes over me. at once i’m consumed. and the storm passes.
for when it’s all too much. for when you need a reprieve. let the tears flow. let the screams of anger, anguish, frustration out. they win when we’re desensitized, and i never want to be desensitized to the violence against other humans. i never want to be desensitized where i no longer care about humanity and human rights. it’s harder some days than other and the tears come more frequently these days. and that’s okay. i have to remind myself to take a break. and remind myself that my strength is my empathy, and my compassion, and love for the collective.
because it really didn’t have to be this way.
dark and hard times are ahead of us. that’s beyond clear and non-hyperbolic. so we fight on.
in solidarity,
Ren
absolutely yes the everything you said ❤️